I woke in the middle of the night recently with this question shooting through me: "How much of Me do you really want?" It was less of a challenge and more of an invitation. And a legitimate question.
How much of God do I really want in my life? Of course the "right" answer is ALL OF HIM, but I'm not sure it is always the most truthful answer. If I may be frank, more of God sometimes threatens my comfort zones. It takes me from mainstream hip to "she's lost it." It could mean less of something I really like. Or more of some thing I don't. Either way, it seems I am at a crossroads of decision. Do I really want all of God available to me, or do I want just enough of Him to get my needs met and to help a few people along the way? Do I want just enough anointing to insulate myself from ridicule and separation while still experiencing some of God's goodness? Or am I willing to lay everything I am, and all I've known, bare before the Lord only to have Him flip it all into new directions ... for new levels of intimacy, revelation, breakthrough and anointing?
Here is what's coming: the old ways of our traditions aren't going to produce the new levels and waves of God's presence, which we do desire. We can't continue to cry out for the new thing while still doing the old things at the old levels at the old times with old language using old notes and the old processes with the old templates of old production schedules and you get my drift. I'm not suggesting God isn't the same yesterday, today, and forever, but I am suggesting we certainly don't know all of God and His ways, and maybe we shouldn't get too comfortable with what was or has been in lieu of what could be.
I don't know enough. I have not seen enough. I have not done near enough of my assignment. I still feel like I'm in the starting gate. I'm not seeing as many people saved, healed, delivered as I want to. I am not satisfied. I'm hungry for more. Is it okay to say so? To say that in all of the doing, and believing, and praying, and serving, I am flat-out hungry for more. More of God's presence, more of His power, more of His glory.
So how much of God will I allow to come wreck what I think I know and what I think "works" in order to pursue more of Him? Am I willing to be mocked and accused of being "out of balance" by others in the Christian community? We are past the days when the greatest opposition came from outside the Christian faith. Often it's the people around us who are made the most uncomfortable when we leave the comfort zones. So, am I willing to do more than sing the songs ("Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders!")? Am I willing to accept the invitation for more of God?
I am. At least I think so. I want to. Yes.
You and I have been born, physically and spiritually, to be problems solvers. God has sent us, equipped us and anointed us to carry the solution of Jesus to a dying, confused, disillusioned, hurting world. And if you, like me, have noticed problems increasing in frequency and intensity like birth pains, then you will agree we need to be increasing in anointing at a greater rate. We need more.
It may be uncomfortable. A little freaky at times. It will cost something. I will probably miss it here and there. But if more God in me means more glory for Him, then yes, Lord. I will follow You to more.